Saturday, October 30, 2010

Two Breaths Short


My life at the moment is like a train traveling at 200 km/hr on a never-ending journey. There is so much to do and so little time.

I've been traveling between Melbourne and Brisbane (that's a 2.5 hours flight) every two weeks the past month, and I'll be in Sydney this Wednesday and two weeks later, I'll be flying to Canberra. This, plus trying to conduct a series of focus groups, analyse my data and write my findings for work, and trying to complete 6 assignments within the next 1.5 weeks.

I've been waking up at 7am everyday, and going to bed past midnight trying to fit as much as I can into my day. It's a challenge trying to do all that, plus trying to socialise and spend time with people close to me, and what makes it even more challenging is trying to understand what people want from me.

It's frustrating, its extremely exhausting and at times, I really do feel like quitting - to jump on a plane and escape to somewhere isolated and far, far away. Sometimes, it gets overwhelming and all I want to do is to fly somewhere where I can start everything all over again and live a life as if I'm not responsible for anyone at all.

But alas, here I am, clenching my fist and grinding my teeth, marching forward as much as I humanely can.

Enough of my indulgence and whinge. Here's hoping everyone is well and happy.

Friday, October 29, 2010

We've Got No Place for Intolerance

I am doing a subject on Teaching and Diversity - its a pre-requisite, which means that all pre-service teachers have to do the subject. We learn all about diversity - of race, religion, learning abilities, disabilities, sexuality - in the subject and the one last week was on sexuality, which conveniently was the one that I missed.

I finally caught up with some of my friends today and they told me that during the lecture, after an intense lecture by a guest lecturer who spoke deeply about her experience as a lesbian in a mainstream school - feeling isolated, rejected and discriminated against - a student put up his hand and uttered some nasty comments about LGBT. This student has been known to be controversial but his comments was way overboard.

He is very religious, and he expressed his lack of empathy for LGBT and his belief that our "choice of lifestyle" resulted in the consequences we suffer. He also showed lack of empathy for the recent suicide of gay teens in the United States. The whole class went into chaos, and I am cut I missed the drama, but apparently, one of my good friends, and one of the most gorgeous, gorgeous man you'll ever meet, stood up and asked him to "fuck off, you don't deserve to be in here and its a disgrace you're sitting in this room".

Ha! I was so proud of him after I heard that and sent him a message - and felt very bad that I missed his birthday drinks, even though he only invited 8 of his most special friends. I did not realised that because he is the popular kid at uni, and I thought I was just one of his friends.

Anyway, to feed your LGBT advocacy, here are some videos you need to watch if you haven't already.



Kids, things are improving and give it another 10 - 25 years, the society will have very very very tiny place for intolerance. Like nasty diseases, we wouldn't be able to completely rid it, but it'll be something that everyone loathe. Hang in there. :)

Monday, October 18, 2010

The Boy Who Stared At Me

Some of you might remember, a few weeks ago, I was down in Melbourne and met up with one of Nic's friends. I've never really blogged about what happened when we met and after so here is a story.

If you have read the previous post, you'd know that I actually knew this boy before. His name is Dan. So, the night before I left for Melbourne, Nic IM'ed me and asked me to introduce him some of my friends in Melbourne. I thought that was weird - me introducing my friends to Nic? He later explained that he wants me to introduce my friends to him so that he can hook them up with his friend, Dan. That just got even weirder, since I've never even spoken to this Dan guy. However, I suggested that I could meet up with Dan and after knowing Dan, I can introduce him to some of my friends. I actually had in mind a friend I wanted to introduce him - who is also gay, but now that I know Dan, they are never gonna be together.

Back to the story, I was in a rush packing that night, so I quickly IM'ed Dan - briefly introduced myself and then told him that if he wants, we should meet. I think he got a little nervous, but who would've thought he said ok! However, at the last minute (few hours before), he canceled on me! Later, he gained his balls and decided to meet. :P

We met outside Max Brenner, arguably one of Melbourne's best chocolate place. I thought, "Well, a 17 year old, probably doesn't drink coffee, so chocolate it is". It was also cold on that day, so a warm chocolate is perfect right?


We met, shook hands and went in. I thought he was alright-looking, mega quiet and would never say more than 5 words in one sentence. We sat there for an hour just chatting, or more like me struggling thinking of questions to ask to avoid awkward silences, and him not helping at all by answering two to three words replies.

There were a few silences I have to admit, but they weren't awkward, thankfully. However, throughout the whole conversation, Dan would stare at me. It was freaky. What's even freakier was when I look elsewhere, he would stare at me and when I caught him doing it, he'd pretend and turn somewhere else. This whole freaky staring at me thing went on throughout the hour, which I have to admit, I thought was very weird.

We then went for a walk around Federation Square for an hour before we went separate ways and headed home. We had a "debrief" of the meet that night - making sure that he wasn't overly nervous and that he was fine with it all, which he was.

We then arranged to meet again the next day, this time for coffee after we worked out that we both actually love coffee. I brought him to a cool, grungy little coffee shop neatly tucked away in a laneway right in the middle of the city, but away from the hustle and bustle.

We talked for over 2 hours. This time, he did the whole staring thing again. He opened up a lot more, this time laughing and smiling, and telling jokes. I also dug out all the dirty stories from him. *coughs*

It wasn't until that night when I asked him if he actually has a crush on me, and upon further questioning that he admitted to it. Ha! I thought so. And that explains all the staring!

Since then, we've been chatting almost on a daily basis and he's confessed his love for me more than once. I have to admit that even though I did not have a crush on him at all when I first met him, over time, I do feel responsible for him. If I were asked to not talk to him right now, or care about his happiness and well-being, I won't be able to do it.

This is him making a love sign for another boy, whoever that person is.

Besides, he's 17 and although in certain aspects, he is mature beyond his years, I don't know if I know him well enough - even though he's been telling me everything and anything. I just have so many questions in my head. Having said that, he makes me happy, he can carry a conversation like a 20 year old and he has his cuteness and charm that he knows how to use against me. And he reminds me that he loves me every single day.

I know he's definitely going to read this, and I know he will hate me for posting this, but this is him. He used to make videos, as you can tell.


And if you want more stories, harrass him on Twitter - @Crazy_Boi93.

PS: This was written a week back. I am currently in Melbourne again, and things has changed a lot since then.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Clench Fist, Tighten Jaw, Deep Breath, March On

After all the events that have happened over the past two nights, I lie here impressed with myself that I am still breathing.

Life has its own ways of biting you when you least expect it to, even when the events are not a consequent of your actions. Three events that left my heart skipping beats, my body melting into the ground and my brain going blank like a wind blowing past sweeping all my thoughts, consciousness and soul with it, leaving me empty.


I'm tired. I am really exhausted.

Update soon.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

My Housemate is a Pimp

So, the weather forecast for Stradbroke Island was crap so we decided to cancel our trip. I spent the rest of the week at home resting up before the big storm. Looking at my calendar for the next few weeks makes me excited but anxious at the same time - I'm starting a new job, same role (Researcher), same place but different department; starting uni again (final month) and starting two consulting roles for two new non-profit organisations.

And then there's the travels to Melbourne and Sydney for a week in two weeks time, and a student leadership conference.

Over the last few weeks, my housemate (a girl) has gone from depressed to extremely excited about life, and unfortunately, one of the things in her excitement list is gay-ing me up and pimping me out. She's launched a campaign to find me a boyfriend, and it is fun and funny but at the same time, slightly inappropriate. She's determined to find me a "hot boyfriend" (her words).



I went to a party with her on Friday night where there were at least 2 gay couples and 4 gay/bi guys amongst the other 20 or so straight men. Guys kept coming up to me and talked to me, which was kinda weird until one really, really gorgeous (straight) guy came up to me and told me my housemate has been trying to pimp me out - she was quite drunk at this stage. He exclaimed that I act and dress too straight to be gay and I need to gay myself up a bit more - gay lesson from a straight man, awkward... I have a picture with this guy and my housemate so if you're on my Facebook, you know what I mean by gorgeous. We had a laugh about it and just hung out for the rest of the night. At one stage, I was sleeping on his crotch on someone's bed and he liked it.

Edited: OK, I felt the need to explain this part - I was lying in someone's bed together with another 6 others just chilling to music when he walked in and asked me to move my head so he can sit down. I moved up and then he directed my head to lie on his crotch, so I thought I'd point out the obvious and he replied, "It's OK. I like it" and.... I actually didn't mind it. 

We partied until 4.00am and I was still relatively sober so I walked home (it was a 20 mins walk). On Saturday night, we headed out into the Valley (the red light district of Brisbane) for my birthday. My housemate organised the event, and thus, we went to a gay bar - see what I mean by her attempt to gay me up and pimp me out? Before we hit the town, we went to my best friend's house for pre-drinks, and I really did not plan this too well. When my housemate and Mr Crush met, its like putting two devils together (they've never met). They excitedly discussed their plans to pimp me out and my attempt at separating them was kind of an epic fail.

And that, they did. Throughout the whole night, they dragged men to the dance floor over to me and sandwiched us together. It was well... wrong but I was pretty smashed at this stage and really was in my own world. Hooking up really isn't my kind of thing - I can dirty dance with you but that's just as far as I can go. I did get a girl to dirty dance and make out (for a few secs) with though.


Whenever a not-so-hot guy try to check me out, either my housemate or Mr Crush, or both of them would pretend they're my partner(s). Mr Crush has his hands all over me and at one point in my pants! My housemate kissed me all over and I woke up with lipstick marks all over my cheeks and neck.

However, my housemate did drag a really, really gorgeous, classy man to me though. He is my housemate's ex-colleague and is a model (I can testify that he has sexy abs - I touched them). He joined us in the circle, and several men came to try steal him away but he stayed. We may have dirty danced a bit. We may or may not have kissed, but I certainly did ditch him at the dance floor and went to "get water" - but left the bar to go home. Yes, I ditched my housemate and all my other friends too (there were about 6 of us altogether but we were pretty separated). I was feeling sick and I found a sober friend to drive me home.

I woke up this morning to my housemate coming home (she slept at my best friend's house), excitedly announcing that she's now Mr Crush's good friend and they're organising a second gay night out for me, and this time, making sure that I hook up. WTF!
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